for·ti·tude

/ˈfôrtiˌto͞od/

Noun

Courage in pain or adversity: “she endured her illness with great fortitude”.

I was writing an email to my father and out popped the word “fortitude”.  “Wish I had the fortitude” I wrote.  I know what it means but I looked it up anyway. Its definition pops out AT ME.  (see above)  And I can’t help thinking it’s not a coincidence.  I’m not enduring my illness with any for·ti·tude  at all and I should be.  I am more of an unorganized mess-lately hit with that dreaded brain fog forgetting what I’m doing and what I’m saying, names, places, faces, details.  Not enough of a help to my family.  I need to step up higher.  My husband is tired.  My son needs my help.  

Disability hearing is coming up in September.  The board of education kicked back my dismissed Sallie Mae school loans because my GP is a DO.  Go figure.  Alot going on and alot coming up.  My foot surgery seems failed and I will likely need two more, one to kill the other side of the nerve and one to take the toe.  The familiar pain has returned along with my unsettledness & has run off with my for·ti·tude.
Tomorrow is another day.  Tally Ho!