They took me away in what seemed like heavy chains
They clinked and dragged along the hard floor while my heart fluttered and sank
Go and don’t come back I heard..it rang in my ears while my heart jumped in shock
Your doctor is dismissing you because there aren’t enough drugs in your system.
I forgot that the bottle said “take as needed”
I forgot I was without my other meds by their mistake
I forgot it all.
I didn’t see what the paper said, the words floated in jumbled up clouds
While my heart sank to the floor
And all I could hear was the chains dragging me down
He pushed the paper to my face and thrust the pen at me
Saying your doctor said to sign here..
All I could see was a blur and I could not get my eyes to focus on the paper
All I could hear was your doctor wants you discharged and you did not take the pills as prescribed. Someone signed the page with a bewildered look, it was me. Usually so “with it”, so “on the ball”. No more. He took my dignity in an instant.
And it came pouring back to me..he asked me if I wanted to hurt someone
He asked me if I was beaten at home or in danger when the only danger I felt was this chair, this room spinning around, out of focus, sign the paper he said, sign the paper. My heart hit the floor. My tears blocked my view. I didn’t even see the words on the paper but I didn’t want him to know how hard I tried to read them but could not. I could not see the words.
He stripped me of my dignity. Does it matter I’d been there 8 long years or that I love my doctor, respected him and felt nothing but gratitude for the life he gave to me with his treatments. He really told this PA, this fake doctor to discharge me? No, couldn’t be, my heart hit the floor while my eyes welled up. In one foul, mean spirited swoop he stripped me of my dignity.
In the distance I heard the pharmacists voices calling me a drug addict, while the room spinned and the paper blurred. I heard all my other doctors follow in a long line call me an addict too and heard all of them say, please leave, your doctor is dismissing you. My heart hit the floor. I heard the chains dragging.
He stripped me of my heart and I can hear my dignity in chains drag across the endless floor.
I do not quite understand this. Did this just happen to you Julie?
ReplyDeleteIndeed it did. My pills say take as needed. So I do. Always have. A snarky PA I saw instead of my usual doctor had me take a urine test and discharged me after 8 years with the same pain mgmt clinic for having too little concentration of opiates in my urine. I'm off all lupus meds pre-surgery right now so I'm not exactly happy..I am more upset about the treatment than I am the meds.
DeleteThis PA treated me horridly..kept asking me questions like "Do you feel your safe at home?" And "Do you want to kill someone"? I was horrified, shook up and signed the paper in a state of shock and mental confusion. I see my doc for a procedure next Friday..hope to have the chance to show him my remaining pills and bottles that say "take as needed".
The stigma attached to opiates is STAGGERING from judgemental pharmacists to PA's who don't know their head from a hole in the ground. Thanks for asking. :)
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ReplyDeleteI would think there would be a problem for having too much in you system and thus abusing them. It must have been a terrible ordeal. I remember leaving the dr.s office early on and sobbing all the way home. I couldn't wait to get home to my family. It must have been the same feeling for you. I have added you to my prayer list along with a few other bloggers I follow, that are also in special situations. I hope your surgery goes well.
ReplyDeleteadvpainmd.com is a solace for those who suffer some chronic illness. You can even get relief from cancer pain from this clinic. TMJ joint pain, Rotator cuff tears, arthritis pain, etc are some of the conditions treated in this clinic. Just like these conditions, the clinic is providing treatments to thousands and thousands of patients. The popularity of this clinic is increasing through mouth to mouth publicity.
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UPDATE: My pain mgmt doc of 8 years and I had a teary reunion at my procedure appointment and he reinstated me. I consider that one of the single kindest acts by a doctor I have ever had. I have many doctors and specialists having lupus and unfortunately not many of them can do anything for me but prescribe for the systemic symptoms. The one that actually can make a difference in my life is my pain mgmt doc where I have procedures like radiofrequency ablations and cortisone shots in addition to medications that actually HELP with quality of life. Recognizing that and giving me respect he left me with my integrity in place and I am eternally grateful.
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